I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
People with herpes should wear stickers.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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