Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
