Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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