I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Never underestimate the power of titties
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
