Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Randomize
