Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
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