this beer tastes like vomit already
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
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I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
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I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
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