I need help removing her.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
