I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
