Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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