I'm so fucking centered right now
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
