mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
