If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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