He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What changed your mind?
Being sober
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
