You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
