I puked a lego.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
