You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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