Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
