Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
