Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
