apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
