walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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