a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
