Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
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He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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