she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Randomize
