your thong is hanging out like whoa
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
