True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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