Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
