There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
