hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
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