I wanna passion pit in your ass
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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