You're my little dorito
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Even my vagina gasped.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
