yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
