You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
