He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Randomize
