I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
