he shaved USA in his pubs
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
