brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
