i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
