i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
