I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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