i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
