i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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