i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
