Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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