i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
