So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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