none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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