He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
