oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Go christen that room with your naked body.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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