you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
