i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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