she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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