When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
