If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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