Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I need to sanitize my soul.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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