youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
