Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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