i permit you to call me
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
