that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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