I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
