I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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