I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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