at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize