my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
