My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Drunk is not a location!
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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