Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
