man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
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