Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
