is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
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Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
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Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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